Refraining from Harshness: My Contemplation of Verse 43 of the Tao Te Ching

Dr. Dyer's book is Change your Thoughts--Change Your Life: Living the Wisdom of the Tao.

Today, I am focusing on verse 43 of the Tao Te Ching:

The softest of all things

overrides the hardest of all things.

That without substance enters where there is no space.

Hence I know the value of nonaction.

Teaching without words,

performing without actions--

few in the world can grasp it--

that is the master's way.

Rare indeed are those 

who obtain the bounty of this world.

I have a lot to say about this verse.  It's amazing what I have been learning recently.  You see, I really put my foot in my mouth.  I was speaking very harshly about someone and then found out I shouldn't have.  My mommy taught me better than that.

My mother was a quiet example of how I should conduct myself.  Many times, I thought she was a saint.  She put up with so much.  She bore it so patiently, without speaking out.  Many times, I felt she was a doormat.

No matter what, I feel she accomplished more by keeping her mouth shut.  I literally saw her purse her lips when we were having conversations.  I could tell that perhaps she didn't agree with what I was saying, but she kept her ideas to herself.  I believe she was allowing me to have my opinions.  I think that's the mark of a true mature person--she allowed me to have my own thoughts.

My mother did not engage in arguments.  When she did tell you something, it meant something.  She had a lot of wisdom.  I really looked up to her.  The wisdom just seemed to ooze from her.

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.  --Proverbs 15:1 Revised Standard Version 

My mother taught me with her silence.  She must have realized early on in life that harsh words did not accomplish much.  I know from experience that harshness does not get me anywhere.  That's why I try to refrain from using harsh words with my kids.  Even the Bible advocates the use of soft words.

My mother told me once that my oldest daughter required a gentle touch.  My mother saw that my daughter was a sensitive child.  I know what it's like to be sensitive.  I often get my feelings hurt when people say certain things to me, but I try not to show it.  Still, it's hard to change who I am; I must embrace my nature.

Kind words are like honey -- sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.   --Proverbs 16:24 New Living Translation

You can catch more bees with honey than with vinegar.  I'm sure you've heard the saying.  I think it's far better to speak with softness about something than to speak with harsh tones.  If I speak with the intent to one up someone, people around me will begin to tune me out.  Believe me; I start to tune out people who act like that.

Harsh words will turn people off.

I marvel at individuals who choose the wrong words and actions.  Their kids shut them out.  Their family and friends shut them out.  Their co-workers shut them out.  Their communication with others suffers; I've seen it happen.

Instead, we should use softness to interact with those around us.  That might mean we do nothing.  We might need to keep silent.  We might need to be hands off.  Then, we can achieve more, like harmony, with the people around us.

Sometimes, I just walk away.

I've learned not to engage with a fool.  If you see me walk away from you, it might mean that I don't approve of something you are doing or saying.  If I don't hang out with you anymore, it might mean that  I don't want you to treat me the way you do.  Think about it. 

Thanks for reading today's post.  

I appreciate it very much.  

I've got some questions for you: Are you using harsh words when talking to those around you?  Do you check your words before they flow out of your mouth?  Are you tearing down people?  Or are you building people up with your words?  If you can't get your points across to others, it might be time to soften your words.  I don't mean to give empty flattery.  I mean we should all try to be respectful to those around us, especially our beloved family and friends, and even strangers.  I pray that we would ask God for His help so we will more loving with one other.

May God bless you, my beloveds, with His wisdom and peace, in Jesus' name.  Amen!

This has been an entry for Wisdom Wednesdays.

I am currently drawing inspiration from Dr. Wayne W. Dyer's book and the 81 verses of the Chinese wisdom book the Tao Te Ching.